He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
