Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
