His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am available for nakedness
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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