Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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