I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize
