You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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