your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
