Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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