First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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