soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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