A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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