I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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