4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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