would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
