I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
