dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
