her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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