I have demons in me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
