Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
