She said her name was "party"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
