I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
