Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
