Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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