I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
