I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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