the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
being pregnant is like rehab
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
