Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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