When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
