If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
