Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
