do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
