My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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