No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please come you make the beer taste better
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
