There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
