508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
