Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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