if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
