my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
