First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
