did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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