Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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