I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
