I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
