Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
