apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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