You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
