I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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