We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
