Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
