i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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