I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
