dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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