you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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