"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
