I love black thongs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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