he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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