You're so nebulous sometimes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
