I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
