I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
