I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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