so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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