the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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