My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
