I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
