i love accidental penises.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
