I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's blow job season.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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