Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
