I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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