I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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