i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
