absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
