It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
