he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
