Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
