She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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