It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
