There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
