I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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