we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
high people should be assigned attendants
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
